重庆婚俗中的求婚:男方如何向女方求婚?

重庆婚俗中的求婚,主要是男方向女方表示求婚,而女方 一般不向男方表示求婚。这是受到重男轻女的封建思想和汉族婚 俗影响的结果。某姓后生或父母看上了其他姓氏的姑娘,由父母
 
作主请媒人去女方家求婚。男方先把媒人(一般是请与自己关系 密切或比较友好的亲戚朋友,如姑爷、舅父、姨父等作媒)接到 自己家里来,热情款待,交换意见,分析女方许婚或不许婚的条 件与可能性,以便媒人到了女方家对其父母叔伯进行恳求,提出 一些开亲的有利条件和保证,使女方父母和亲戚族眷都感到男方 各方面都还可靠,可以信赖,以便达到许婚的目的。


重庆婚俗中的求婚:男方如何向女方求婚?
 
媒人到女方求婚去时,男方给媒人准备一把伞,表示团圆, 也是做媒的标志。同时为媒人准备一块两斤多重的猪肉(新鲜肉 或腊肉均可)作为求婚的礼物(俗称“手行”),也是衡量女方父 母和姑娘对这门亲事态度如何的把凭。一般说来,第一次媒人去 女方家,女方父母是不收礼物的,因为事先没有考虑到男方会来 求婚,或者对男方和其家境等情况都不够了解,因而女方父母多 是说一些对男方间接了解的言词,并说一些推辞的话,如“需同 女儿商量商量,要她欢喜”,“让你这穿针引线、添福添寿的媒人 多走路了”。有的甚至说:“田是私田,女(雨)是众女(雨),我 们还需同家族商量商量。”如此等等。待媒人回男方传话时,女方 父母一般会把猪肉退给媒人。
 
 
根据第一次媒人求亲的口气,隔十天半月,男方请媒人第二 次到女方家去求婚,除准备一块猪肉外,还准备两瓶酒和两斤糖 食果饼作礼物,再次表示真诚求婚之意。媒人把男方父母的恳求 之意转告女方父母,希望两家开亲结义,世世代代友好下去。媒 人还把男方父母和儿郎的优点及男方父母的处世为人等情况详细 地介绍给女方父母,使得女方对男方有一个较全面较深刻的了解 和认识。同时邀请女方父母到男方家去走一走,具体看看家庭环 境和房屋田产等。这次女方父母虽然还说一些推托之辞,但只要 收下求婚礼物,或说些“乡里不方便,一次两次你都带些‘手 行’来,我们一起下酒好了”之类的话,那么这门亲事便有了八 九成的希望。若是不同意这门亲事,女方父母就会说些“女儿还
 
小,她还要在家里多坐几年!” “女儿不懂事,鞋脚针线,洗衣浆 裳都还不会。” “害你老人家走路了,操心费力了。”等等之类的 话来搪塞,仍然不肯收下礼物,这门亲事也就难成了。男方也就 不必再请媒人去女方家求婚了。
 
The marriage proposal in Chongqing mainly refers to the man who proposes to the woman, while the woman usually does not propose to the man. This was influenced by the feudal ideology of son preference and the marriage custom of Han nationality. A girl whose last name is born or whose parents are interested in other surnames, whose parents call on the matchmaker to propose to the woman's family. The man first receives the matchmaker (usually relatives and friends close or friendly to him, such as aunts, uncle, etc.) to his home for a warm reception and exchange of opinions. Analysing the pieces and possibilities of a woman's marriage or not being allowed to marry, so that the matchmaker may come to the woman's house to implore her parents and uncles, and offer some favorable conditions and guarantees for the marriage, Makes the woman's parents and relatives feel that the man is reliable and reliable in all aspects, in order to achieve the purpose of marriage. When the matchmaker proposed to the woman, the man prepared an umbrella for the matchmaker to show her reunion, which was also a symbol of matchmaking. At the same time for the matchmaker to prepare a more than two pounds of pork (fresh meat or bacon) as a gift for the proposal (commonly known as "hand"), is also a measure of the mother and the girl's attitude towards this marriage. Generally speaking, when the first matchmaker goes to the woman's house, the woman's parents do not accept gifts because they did not take into account the fact that the man would propose to the marriage, or did not have enough knowledge of the man and his family. As a result, the woman's parents often say words that they know indirectly about the man, and say some evasive words, such as "you need to discuss with your daughter to make her happy", and "let you, the matchmaker of Tim Fu-tien 's life, walk more." Some even said: "Field is private field, female (rain) is the daughter (rain, we also need to discuss with the family." So wait. When the matchmaker returns to the man, the woman's parents usually return the pork to the matchmaker. According to the tone of the first matchmaker, after ten days and a half months, the man invited the matchmaker to propose to the woman's house for the second time. In addition to preparing a piece of pork, he also prepared two bottles of wine and two jins of sugar fruit cake as gifts to express his sincere intention of proposing again. The matchmaker conveyed the entreaties of the man's parents to the woman's parents, hoping that the two families would be friendly from generation to generation. The matchmaker also introduced the advantages of the male parents and son Lang and his parents to the woman's parents in detail, so that the woman had a more comprehensive and deeper understanding of the man. At the same time, the woman's parents are invited to go to the man's house to take a look at the family environment and property. This time, although the parents of the woman still say a few words of confidence, but as long as they accept the gift of marriage proposal or say, "it is inconvenient in the country, you will bring some 'hands' once and twice, and we will have a drink together" and so on. Well, this marriage has a hope of 89%. If she doesn't agree with the marriage, the woman's parents will say, "her daughter is still young, and she will still be sitting at home for a few more years!" "my daughter doesn't know anything. She doesn't know how to stitch and thread her shoes. She doesn't even know how to do laundry." "the old man had to walk and worry about it." Such things as prevarication, still refused to accept the gift, the marriage will be difficult. The man no longer had to invite the matchmaker to propose at the woman's house.
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